Our two weeks in Colorado at our staff conference have ended, and I have mixed feelings, finding it hard to leave our place of retreat, a mountain-top experience, with glimpses of heaven as we joined in praise with thousands of other staff. Touches of "God with us" as we were on our knees together before a holy God - His very Presence so near, so powerful, so real.
And now, we have returned to the places where we will live out the Truths that we have been freshly impacted with. My heart has already felt waves of weakness as I have stepped back into this world of the here and now, of valleys, and rolling hills. Wondering how I can prepare my heart for all that lies ahead.
How does a mother ready herself to say good-bye to a son (her youngest, yet grown, twenty-one years) as he leaves for 9-10 months, traveling alone to countries in Europe and Asia? Born for adventure, following his dreams. He has planned and prepared, even enduring an intensely demanding job at sea for three months to earn money needed for his dream. And soon he will be on the other side of the globe.
I, myself, lived most of my first 18 years on the other side of the globe, a "third culture kid", daughter of missionary parents in Japan. Living on the other side of the world from the U.S. is not something new to me.
But, how does a mother let go of part of her heart, letting it go so far away? The tears come, pulling at this heart, preparing for the scattering of parts, far from home. Mothers, always in need for our hearts to be gently held together as our children move on and take risks.
And as the time approaches, I am reminded to hold on to the only One who has the power to keep this heart together. As our son begins his adventures this week, God has reminded me that I will be starting out on my own adventure of trusting Him in new ways that I have never done before. Trusting Him as our son travels from place to place for the next 9 months. Not always knowing where he will be, but knowing who will be with him. And thankful for our kind, loving, faithful, sovereign, good God who promises to be with us as mothers - in the valleys, just as He is with us on the mountaintops.
Thank You, Lord, for these last few days of spending time with our son before he leaves, and for giving me a sense of anticipation in my heart of the adventure ahead of trusting You, and seeing You at work. Of learning to know You in deeper ways than ever before as I walk this road ahead. Creator of our hearts and designer of family and mothering, please hold me together.
"Open yourself fully to My transforming Presence.
Let My brilliant Love-Light search out and destroy hidden fears.
This process requires time alone with Me,
as My Love soaks into your innermost being.
Enjoy My perfect Love, which expels every trace of fear."